experience

Often i catch myself

Looking at the pictures

Hours and hours

Days

Weeks

Months

Years

Living in the past?

, And

Dreading the future

If the history has done one thing for us

Then can be agreed

People are no good

well, most of the time

But i too  …. am almost like you

I also

mostly

Remember the better times instead of the worst

Naturally

Yet i don’t believe in the future, the marketing nonsense, or the activists

I never believed in people

Although!!!   I had continuously ‘believed ‘ in certain individuals that came across my path …. not blindly I would think, yet also where caught out … like a gullible fool

Made the constant mistake to believe

Far too easily,  If only if I had  listened to my own advice!

I would not have burnt my fingers

Would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble

But one is sometimes caught off guard

And there is an inner hope,

That I still had not been able to crush completely

That ‘some’ people…or this particular person, may be different from the rest …

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jesus saves (aint that rich)

people love honesty

when they r talking about someone else

not so much when they have the slipper on their own toe

and here we are

and here i go – …

she sends these feel good messages, and i guess she means well

but it mostly just puzzles me

well, it puzzles only a little( frankly)

because i too have my prejudices

i have my explanation

when you have good tits, and a good face, you can fuck around, and your husband may forgive all that … Or he may have stuck with you because of the children …

Be it as it may

you can now post photos of designer tarts in French restaurants, whilst my own dad has no pot to piss in

my brother has been fucked off to teach in China

and i m packing my shit in boxes to give away

I see your son skydive

and kitesurf

and praise the big Cheesus

i am still and yet

amazed

how that still goes on

me personally even had a problem @ the time …when i tried to believe

It simply does not add up … it never did

ad it never will

So, it does annoy one, when you see all this stupid jesus shit on social media

Man … i wonder how you’d be praising your savior if you where out on a raft, speeding to the waterfall … with no oar, and no money to buy yourself a prayer …

 

 

 

Sell by date

Certain terms and conditions sound fair

Within a certain contex

For most i couldn’t see the logic in many a thing …

And to many i seemed the illogical choice,

And,

I had to agree

Why would any woman want to spend their life with me?

I had no inheritance, and where no pragmatist … meaning i wasn’t going to work so that she could go shop …

So she could grace me with some leg over once a blue moon showed an ankle …

No sir.

However, the term ‘Settling down” … what ?!

Sounds similar to copping out

Or admitting defeat

Sounds like the team spirit gone sour

Like an old unwashed gym shirt

Its the puppy love that has become the dogs’ life

Its bored  couples with screaming kids

And debt to boot

Its a strained holiday for three weeks

Its traffic jams, and dead end jobs to pay for all the shit you owe

In between there may be the occasional flicker of once was promised

Hardly enough to make you hold onto any fucking hope

But the human machine has the capability for running on empty

Far past it’s sell by date

 

Sunday morning

I will not

shall not

live with a dripping tap

I rather leave

walk away on railway track …

So back to the original plan – where you are alone

Know, this

Your family forget their debt

So does the friends

And lovers, ha …. a re the worst of all

All they remember is how you did this or that

U just made the tea, and pick dup the dog crap, yet you missed a spot!

U loser /

I see on daily basis,

The kept women& self-made men with confidence to boot

And right next to them;

Those who stand at intersections, with cardboard messages

i See the sand never stop to fall, passing through the hourglass

Its true the world care only for its winners

And sing the praise of those who do not need it

Believe

Many

Actually most have

Have thought of themselves to be great

Yet

Most were not great

In fact most were mediocre, or worse …

Therefore it is told, and teached

How to sell yourself ….

I never could do it.

I failed completely when it came to that

How do you sell yourself without looking like an ‘ ass?

It takes a thick skin ,

&

It takes persistence,

&

It takes endurance

It takes an inner belief that I am great(even if i am not?)

I ask

I wonder

Sometimes you hear how some of the the great, writers, artists, philosophers,had their doubts …

Yet in this day and age only winners need apply

Selling themselves at every opportunity

Skilfully and with supreme confidence(it would seem)

I too believed in my effort, but now wonder if I should have …

 

Hope

Little left

But yet

Still  I find myself here

Too hungry for life ?
Or is that simply because I am too cowardice to walk onto the train
And see the light go out
Maybe its the fear of the blow
But then again one can swallow pills?
And yet something prevails within, that makes one even at this time …
Hang onto  a glimmer of things once thought possible
Find yourself at Airport or Mall
And be disgusted by what you see
Go venture out the door
And be anxious beyond the help of medication
Like a deer frozen stiff,
By
The Human Machine /
I find almost no solace, or promise in the Citizen
The people of the World have seen that each experience amongst them only confirms
Who and What we are
 Find beauty in the sky and trees
And the animals
They speak of love
Real love
No human tongue
That later twists back upon itself /
And yet (again)
The thought of being gone  —
Gone from this world
By your own hand or otherwise
Present a certain melancholy
I ‘ will be no more
No more Boston terrier licks
No more coolest of breeze
And what about all those dreams?
And yes …
Soon to be forgotten
SO
Even here in this hour
There lingers within
Some thought
What if … ?
Tomorrow
The Rain begin to fall