Another letter to Kim ( 26September2013)

I can rant and ramble on, in my own fashion, I seemingly have a lot to say(haha).

You say ‘alone time, to find you’ thats a good description of what most of us need, actually. People are afraid of it. being alone. and although it does at times hurt to be alone, we are alone any how. Its the illusion, and advetisement that contradict the basic truth, that someone else can take our loneliness away. they cannot.
Being with someone from time to time distract only the reality, softens the blow so to speak. Sharing shit etc, as we say. I think some people are OK company, but for myself the reality is that I m hard work, and have severe judgement, therefore I m funny at a distance, and even maybe cute(depends on the viewer/person), but ultimately I expect to much, and deliver too little , or too much intensity. Im too angry.

And thus so it is.

When I m overseas, esp Iraq, I get depressed, and alone(more than now/here), cause there is less distractions. its then that I contemplate suicide from time to time. I hate the place, and my life seem a waste there. but no ones lif eis ultimately that significant anyhow, if we can fathom some honesty
we are all just killing time, before it kills us

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